February to the EXTREME!!!

Wow. I can't believe February will be over in 2 DAYS!! It has been (for lack of a better word) a whirlwind. Ups, downs, left and right I feel like these last few weeks my head is ready to spin off its access. At this point I don't even know where to begin. Tears, smiles, screams and worries this month has been JAM PACKED with all sorts of emotions. February just isn't my month.

A lot has changed recently and I'm not sure if I'm ok with it or not. Friendships have been tested, hearts have opened, and my life certainly won't go back to the "normal" it was used to. Maybe all of this is for the better, maybe my friendships needed a test, maybe emotions were running high for a reason, I don't know but at this point my head is spinning and I can't seem to get it to stop.

So far every year those damn housing letters come out and shit hits the fan. I don't understand why at the very moment these letters are received all emotions are out on the table and people look for reasons to argue. It is frustrating to no end. Last year my life was a living hell after this week. I can't tell you a time I was genuinely happy last semester until I reconnected with two of my now best friends. I don't want to throw anyone under the bus or point fingers at anyone because who knows who actually reads this thing but let’s just say my roommate and I didn't quite see eye to eye.

Thankfully housing is figured out for next year. I can't wait to put that deposit in and finalize everything on the apartment. I am so excited to be living with three amazing girls who I share so much with. It is going to be an absolute blast next semester. All three of these girls I could go to if I ever needed ANYTHING and I am proud to not only call them my friends but they are my best friends.

In the next few weeks I will FINALLY find out if I got into the coveted Nursing department at school. I hate to talk about this with anyone because right now my future is so unsure that by next January I may not even be going to a 4 year university. I want to get into the program, I NEED this program but I don't know if my grades are good enough, I don't know if I can do it. I want to find out on one hand but on the other not knowing is comforting because the final NO has yet to be discovered. Wait list, deferred or a yes would be acceptable but my biggest fear may come true in that I get rejected. Rejection is something I work to hide from. I don't go after something I am not sure I can get. I don't want to be let down, I don't want my hopes to be crushed and I certainly don't want to make a complete fool of myself unless I know it is for a reason.

This is one reason why I am TERRIFIED to tell the guy I like ANYTHING. I know he likes someone else but if he could just look at me as more than a friend or talk to me about things we have in common I would love to get to know him more but yet again rejection rears its ugly head. I am so afraid to step out of my comfort zone and actually do something about it. I feel like waiting for him to make a move is like waiting for rain in a drought. Yet here I am certainly not stepping up and doing anything about it. It’s all overwhelming

Overwhelming, the word that can be used to describe every aspect of my life right now; work, school, friends, relationships, it’s all overwhelming. I work 2 jobs, am a full time student and still try and have a social life. There is not one day during the week where I feel I need to add an extra 3 hours to the day just to get a fraction of things crossed off my to-do list.

Hopefully things settle down soon and finally become a new normal. And hopefully the news about the Nursing department is news I am willing to accept. Here's to the end of February and beginning of March. Spring is in the air :0)

P.S. Sorry this is kind of long, especially for the shortest month of the year <3

A life changing 11 days

I got back from my 11 day trip to Israel about a week ago. Let me just say it was an absolute life changing experience. I have never felt connected to being Jewish and honestly really didn't care one way or another but after these 11 days, not only did I connect with my religion I felt the love and compassion of the Israeli people.

When a stranger comes up and talks to you on the street in America you are hesitant and tense. In Israel, it is completely normal for people on the streets to pick up a conversation about where you are from, where you have been in the country so far, and how ling you are visiting for.

Everyone that has done birthright always says the trip is life changing/the best experience/ amazing. I always wanted more information, WHY was it so great, what made it life changing. After this trip I can't say why it was amazing, or life changing either but it was. I can't tell you what my favorite part was because I wouldn't want to change anything about this trip. Whether it was being stuck on a plane for 21 hours straight, bus rides with the group, meeting Israeli soldiers, the cancelled flights back. It all was my favorite.

Coming back to the states was sobering. It was a flight back to reality. Back to classes and work. The stresses of life. When I was in Israel I didn't worry about anything, I felt at peace. I didn't have the life stresses, school stresses, or work stresses that always can bring down. I had to move back to school the day after I got back. No time to relax or reflect and it's funny because as I am walking around campus I swear I see one of the 8 soldiers that were on our trip with us. Or other kids that were on the trip almost as if I wish to see them because I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.

I love America don't get me wrong and It will most likely be my home forever but Israel was different. I can't put into words how welcome I felt by other Israelis. The things I learned, the lessons I brought back will be with me for a long time. I hope my children and my children's children will get to have the same wonderful opportunity I did.

Taglit-Birthright changed my life.

Song: One Day by: Matiyahu