February to the EXTREME!!!

Wow. I can't believe February will be over in 2 DAYS!! It has been (for lack of a better word) a whirlwind. Ups, downs, left and right I feel like these last few weeks my head is ready to spin off its access. At this point I don't even know where to begin. Tears, smiles, screams and worries this month has been JAM PACKED with all sorts of emotions. February just isn't my month.

A lot has changed recently and I'm not sure if I'm ok with it or not. Friendships have been tested, hearts have opened, and my life certainly won't go back to the "normal" it was used to. Maybe all of this is for the better, maybe my friendships needed a test, maybe emotions were running high for a reason, I don't know but at this point my head is spinning and I can't seem to get it to stop.

So far every year those damn housing letters come out and shit hits the fan. I don't understand why at the very moment these letters are received all emotions are out on the table and people look for reasons to argue. It is frustrating to no end. Last year my life was a living hell after this week. I can't tell you a time I was genuinely happy last semester until I reconnected with two of my now best friends. I don't want to throw anyone under the bus or point fingers at anyone because who knows who actually reads this thing but let’s just say my roommate and I didn't quite see eye to eye.

Thankfully housing is figured out for next year. I can't wait to put that deposit in and finalize everything on the apartment. I am so excited to be living with three amazing girls who I share so much with. It is going to be an absolute blast next semester. All three of these girls I could go to if I ever needed ANYTHING and I am proud to not only call them my friends but they are my best friends.

In the next few weeks I will FINALLY find out if I got into the coveted Nursing department at school. I hate to talk about this with anyone because right now my future is so unsure that by next January I may not even be going to a 4 year university. I want to get into the program, I NEED this program but I don't know if my grades are good enough, I don't know if I can do it. I want to find out on one hand but on the other not knowing is comforting because the final NO has yet to be discovered. Wait list, deferred or a yes would be acceptable but my biggest fear may come true in that I get rejected. Rejection is something I work to hide from. I don't go after something I am not sure I can get. I don't want to be let down, I don't want my hopes to be crushed and I certainly don't want to make a complete fool of myself unless I know it is for a reason.

This is one reason why I am TERRIFIED to tell the guy I like ANYTHING. I know he likes someone else but if he could just look at me as more than a friend or talk to me about things we have in common I would love to get to know him more but yet again rejection rears its ugly head. I am so afraid to step out of my comfort zone and actually do something about it. I feel like waiting for him to make a move is like waiting for rain in a drought. Yet here I am certainly not stepping up and doing anything about it. It’s all overwhelming

Overwhelming, the word that can be used to describe every aspect of my life right now; work, school, friends, relationships, it’s all overwhelming. I work 2 jobs, am a full time student and still try and have a social life. There is not one day during the week where I feel I need to add an extra 3 hours to the day just to get a fraction of things crossed off my to-do list.

Hopefully things settle down soon and finally become a new normal. And hopefully the news about the Nursing department is news I am willing to accept. Here's to the end of February and beginning of March. Spring is in the air :0)

P.S. Sorry this is kind of long, especially for the shortest month of the year <3

A life changing 11 days

I got back from my 11 day trip to Israel about a week ago. Let me just say it was an absolute life changing experience. I have never felt connected to being Jewish and honestly really didn't care one way or another but after these 11 days, not only did I connect with my religion I felt the love and compassion of the Israeli people.

When a stranger comes up and talks to you on the street in America you are hesitant and tense. In Israel, it is completely normal for people on the streets to pick up a conversation about where you are from, where you have been in the country so far, and how ling you are visiting for.

Everyone that has done birthright always says the trip is life changing/the best experience/ amazing. I always wanted more information, WHY was it so great, what made it life changing. After this trip I can't say why it was amazing, or life changing either but it was. I can't tell you what my favorite part was because I wouldn't want to change anything about this trip. Whether it was being stuck on a plane for 21 hours straight, bus rides with the group, meeting Israeli soldiers, the cancelled flights back. It all was my favorite.

Coming back to the states was sobering. It was a flight back to reality. Back to classes and work. The stresses of life. When I was in Israel I didn't worry about anything, I felt at peace. I didn't have the life stresses, school stresses, or work stresses that always can bring down. I had to move back to school the day after I got back. No time to relax or reflect and it's funny because as I am walking around campus I swear I see one of the 8 soldiers that were on our trip with us. Or other kids that were on the trip almost as if I wish to see them because I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.

I love America don't get me wrong and It will most likely be my home forever but Israel was different. I can't put into words how welcome I felt by other Israelis. The things I learned, the lessons I brought back will be with me for a long time. I hope my children and my children's children will get to have the same wonderful opportunity I did.

Taglit-Birthright changed my life.

Song: One Day by: Matiyahu

A trip of a LIFETIME

Yes I know. it has been a little over a week of this new year. But I must say, so far so good. I have been hanging out with my best friends, spending time with my family, and taking a much need breather before classes start again. What's even more exciting is,  I leave for an amazing 10 day journey through Israel in just nine days!!

I am excited, nervous, anxious, worrisome and enthusiastic. An old friend of mine is taking this journey with me. She flies in on Thursday and I am itching to see her and her mom. I am hoping to continue to blog throughout my trip, I want to capture my emotions, pictures and thoughts throughout this whirl wind! Here is to hoping a safe return for any traveler.

xoxo Paige :)

Life Bucket List

I decided to make a "Bucket List" made up of things I want to do, intend to do or hope to accomplish throughout life. Hopefully I will keep adding to it as I think of things but let's go with the top 10 things, certainly not all to be accomplished this year :)

1) Fall in love and get married
2) Have children
3) Become a Nurse Practitioner
4) Live near the water
5) Travel Throughout Europe before I'm 30
6) Vacation in Africa/ Go on a safari and visit a sanctuary
7) Learn how to play the piano
8) Visit every MLB stadium/ travel with the Florida Marlins and attend EVERY game for an ENTIRE regular season
9) Meet someone famous...like REALLY famous :)
10)  Go on a cruise with my best friends

So far so good I think :0)

Highs and Lows of 2010

Lows:

• An absolute DISASTROUS spring semester of my first year of college: My roommate and I, well let’s just say it didn't work out. My roommate and I had differing opinions on privacy; she thought our double room for 2 needed an extra person ALL THE TIME. I trusted someone with a lot and that trust was betrayed. It took a lot to get over it and to be honest I am not quite over it yet, but I am working on it. Now, water under the bridge, I wish her nothing but the best.
• C-A-W-L: A once wonderful facility where I grew up is being run and manipulated by one poisonous woman. I don't want to be mean but I hope she is kicked out of group before she implodes the entire organization. This woman is a manipulative child living in a 40 some year olds body. I am glad I got out when I did.
• Crappy sports seasons: Not only are the Miami Dolphins inconsistent, they don't know how to pass or run the ball. They need to step up their game; their difficult division makes it almost impossible to make it to a super bowl. Come on boys we were once UNDEFEATED! The Florida Marlins on the other hand are a disgrace! They need to step up, pay their players what they are worth and instead of turning rookies into all stars keep these all stars and make it to a world series. First Mistake: releasing Cody Ross. Second, Dan Uggla, now let's see what they do to screw up yet another season!
• 10 years since Grampy died: I can't believe it has been 10 years since you have passed. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I truly believe my love of sports is because of you. I love you and miss you and hope you are having fun playing tennis and watching the Marlins lose up in heaven <3
• Losing touch with a very close friend of mine: I hope everything is OK. I feel you have drastically changed and we no longer have anything in common. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors but I just don't agree with some of your choices!!!

Highs

•  Having awesome, wonderful, supportive roommates: I love these girls. They truly are a blessing after my hell f a spring semester that was hell. They are open and wonderful. They listen to me, calm me down and are absolute gems. (All 3 of them). They truly don't know how much I appreciate them and how much they have already made me a better person!!
• Hooking up with old friends...now my best friends: Cori and Jess you guys are AMAZING!! I love both of you so much. Cori, you are outgoing, fun and entertaining. I wish I could be as open as you are. Jess, you are quiet yet HILARIOUS and I love how much you care and appreciate your family (whether you admit it or not). I don't know where I would be if I didn't reconnect with you two! You have no idea how much you are appreciated!!!
• Bella and Jazzy: We adopted to new girls to keep Daisy company, Bella is a crazy, out of control lovable puppy who is certifiably ADORABLE. And jazzy is sweet, mellow and just wants to be loved.
• My impending trip to Israel: I am so excited to be seeing a country where both my parents visited. I can't believe I am leaving in a month of this crazy trip with a wonderful old friend. We are going to have a blast, I can't wait!

High/Low: Being contacted by my biological father. Now this may not be the place to talk about this but I feel if anyone is going to read this is going to be friends and family. I couldn't decide if I should put this as a high or a low. First off, I have been waiting a very long time to hear from him. I have written many letters that I never sent, had many questions go unanswered, and daydreamed countless nights that somehow I was a princess destined to marry Prince William. Upon contact, I was able to get these questions answered and some other questions out of the way but it sure was a shake up to my family. I have known my step-dad (my "real" dad) since before I can remember. He is a great guy and is a positive role model. My biggest fear in beginning to talk to my biological father was to upset my real father (I know confusing). My real father has been there my whole life, practically raised me. This is a high in that I got questions answered and I am able to talk to him, I really do appreciate it and a relationship is nice to have. But a low at to the uncertainty as to what is to come and the impact it could have had on my family. At first I was much taken aback and for lack of a better word, hysterical but I do appreciate talking to him now and learning about his past and a half of myself that before had only been assumptions, and questions marks.

Well there it is, my year in review. Plenty of highs and lows to go around. but all in all a pretty good year. I grew up a lot, changed a lot but I think it all was for the better. I am very secure in myself and my friends and look forward to another amazing year!

Winter times

Christmas (and winter in general) is a beautiful time of year. Snow on the ground, in the trees, and on the roofs of houses. Everywhere you look a "Kodak moment" awaits. I love driving through my neighborhood and seeing Christmas trees lite in the front windows, families sitting around the tale, kids playing outside just happy to have a few weeks off from school. But winter also brings painfully cold winds, red faces and sniffles to everyone's nose. Don't get me wrong I do love winter time but after a few weeks I can't help but to picture myself tanning in the Caribbean.

Being Jewish, you can't help but want to partake in Christmas traditions every year. Yes, we get 8 days of presents during Hanukkah but as Jews we are the minority and instead of waking up early to open presents, ecstatic to see how many gifts are under the beautifully decorated tree, we go to Chinese restaurants and see a movie because those are the only things open. Yes Christmas is commercialized. Yes some people don't celebrate Christmas for the religious reasons but the traditions families enstill are wonderful. The big meal, family, friends, what more can you ask for. People travel far and wide (and hopefully don't get snow delays) to see family. They buy last minute gifts, spend time wrapping everything and then in the morning have quality family time. I must say I am a little jealous every December 25th.

I have spent Christmases with family, getting to open gifts that were under the tree, and even once my cousin and I swore we heard reindeer on the roof. But today I went to a friends house, they have a 4 year old and a newborn. I got to spend some time with Brietta, the 4 year old and the innocence of a child is priceless.  Watching her open presents was a BLAST she was so excited for each one and really looked at all of her gifts, saying thank you to everyone for giving them to her. She was so sweet wanting to play with each one as we opened them with her. This day alone makes me want to marry someone Christian, just to have these days, with such innocence from children, still believing that an old bearded man comes through with his reindeer and delivers gifts if you were nice all year. This is the one day out of the year I wish I celebrated Christmas

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas with their family and friends. The one day of the year where you turn the news on and you see smiling children and happy families without news of war, or crime.

This is me with  the cutest 4 year old, Brietta after opening her Christmas presents.

What's to come?

I am halfway through my sophomore year of college and I can't help but wonder when the light at the end of the tunnel will finally appear. I get up everyday during the semester and wonder if all the work I put into these classes are worth it. Will I get into Nursing school? Where will I get in? Will I be at Towson next year? What does my future hold? What if I don't get in? What if I have to move back home. These questions are on a never ending reel circling in my head 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

I question myself every day. My friends and family tell me I'll get in..maybe not in Towson but somewhere. I don't want to go anywhere else. I want to stay at Towson with my friends. I want to be a successful nurse. I want to help people and heal them but I don't can't promise my road will be without speed bumps.

I wish life could be smooth sailing. I wish I didn't have to worry. I wish I could see 1 year into my future. I wish the nursing application I just submitted get me somewhere in life. I wish to not see rejection. I wish everyday that my hopes and dreams come true.